This is a behind the scenes story of a stressed out marriage celebrant towards the long and winding road to Matty and Bec's wedding.
How divine, a winter wedding in the Otway ranges, paradise that is King Parrot in the heart of Pennyroyal.
Roadie and I are super excited, so much so we book accommodation the night before the ceremony and use the excuse of a little getaway with a little rehearsal along the way to Lorne.
Wohooo and we are off, we hit Kings Way (2 mins from home) and it is bumper to bumper, apparently due to debris on the Bolte which is effecting the ENTIRE UNIVERSE ok so we might be a tad late for the rehearsal!
An hour later (5 km's) we finally hit the Westgate...onwards and upwards we say, still super excited, rehearsal still on the agenda.
Hour number three rolls around with Sat Nav having taken us up 2 no through roads, doesn't recognise the freeway, takes us off a beaten track it has turned dark, it has turned misty, Sat Nav completely lost now, Google maps yep, you guessed it GONE! Many quiet km's later, too scared to speak, we find ourselves in Lorne NOT Pennyroyal ARGHHH!
Sorry bride and Groom I'll talk you through it tomorrow, I ain't travelling back through that treacherous windy, dark, icy road to find a track that doesn't exist at night, I don't care how much I like you both.
The temperature outside has hit 1 degree we rug up with every item of clothing we have packed wander the one street of Lorne, find a restaurant open and feast on ricotta gnocchi and 17 glasses of wine to calm the hell back to normal levels of calm, apart from frostbite all is right with the world.
We set off the next day, ceremony day, with a handwritten map from the lovely lady at Mantra on Lorne and we are off.
First wrong turn, another no through road, the smallest muddiest track abort! Abort! ABORT!
We feel like we are in the middle of nowhere, the car makes a screeching noise I think to myself WE'RE GUNNA DIE AND NO-ONE WILL EVER FIND US AND WE WILL MISS THE CEREMONY you may think I'm being dramatic but you weren't there so Shoosh! Back to the main road, more googling, hand written map missing a detail or two, more googling, we finally see the Kingparrot cottages sign and I burst into tears,I am serious, I realised I hadn't really been breathing properly since car noise incident half hour prior(roadie thought it was a wild animal not the car OMG! WE WERE COULD HAVE BEEN EATEN ALIVE) , roadie stops vehicle on dirt track and does her best to make me feel sane again, she grabs the rescue remedy from the suitcase and comforts me as best she can "it's ok honey, we're here now" makeup touchup, all intact, lets rock.
Wowsers! The ceremony setting is the most beautiful I have ever seen, and that is pretty big considering I'm such a city slicker, it looked surreal and vast and intimate and green and and and and...
Hi to the lovely owner Tony, chat chat chat to Bec the gorgeous Bride, chat chat chat and sort out Handsome groom and groomsmen, the last traumatic 20 hours, apart from the 17 wines and pasta, wash away.
Hmm gee what an angle that aisle is, there's mud, there's rough terrain my usual back and forth organisation is a massive workout mainly focusing on not falling over, I have the groomsmen as my backup catch me I'm falling guys, guiding me from one spot to the other then back again. Ive got everyone on aisle standby for any wonky steps along the way.
I'm so cold I don't care how ridiculous I look all buttoned up, my hands were shaking I could barely sign the marriage certificate, my nose started dripping, I had to scoot behind the groom to have a little wipe, lucky it was vow time.
Oh Lordy the second reader is way over the other side along with my mic, Ahhh Jason can you just grab that mic on the table in front of you and turn it on,yep that's the way, great thanks, the mud has me stuck in a safe spot I was rather comfortable in, he was a champ.
There's cheers and yahooing, the animals go running as I pronounce them as husband and wife and they pash like no one is looking, and they did, even I blushed... now let's get the stunning bride to the signing table unscathed, Da Dah!!!
We did it, we are married, music maestro, let's get these two back up the aisle, safely, as Mr and Mrs Holding.
The moral of his story is,the struggle is real people, the cool calm and collected celebrant is racing 1000 miles an hour on the inside, and wouldn't have it any other way oh apart from the ruined favourite winter wedges from the mud, I'd have that another way.
Matty and Bec thanks for having me, it truly was one of the most stunning ceremonies ever, you both glowed and embraced each other throughout the entire shabang and my heart puffed and pumped with such pride it almost burst into a 1000 pieces inside.
The amazing florist was she's a wildflower, I will be a posting don't you worry, they were STUNNING oh and Bec's dress.